Volume 1: In the Blood Ep. 17 - Chione, the Frozen Heart
TRANSCRIPT - In the Blood Ep. 17 - Chione, the Frozen Heart
Tau
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Tau
You’re listening to a parody that is not affiliated with or endorsed by Supergiant Games in any way, we’re just big ol’ nerds making improv fanfiction.
ROGUE RUNNERS is...rated R, for pretty much everything you can find in Greek Mythology: violence, assault, self-harm, offensive language, insensitive humor, and intense themes. We encourage everyone to check out our show notes and transcripts on our website at Whisperforge.org. Are you ready to run? Then welcome to Volume 1: In the Blood.
[SFX: Intro music.]
Tau
Uuuuuh, roll initiative.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(high pitched) Yike.
[SFX: Plucky guitar music slowly fades in.]
Michael (Arete)
"Here we go." A 14 for Arete.
Amanda (Annie)
11 for Annie.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Two for Alex.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Four for Rolf.
Tau
Arete. You are up first. Two Wretched Heretics and two Wretched Goons appear on Athena's corner of the room.
[SFX: SWOOSH as they appear.]
Michael (Arete)
I am immediately going to head for the Heretics and I am going to draw La Voix...
[SFX: A flick of metal.]
Michael (Arete)
...and my other short sword and I am going to attempt two weapon fighting to attack both of them so my first attack roll is a 19.
Tau
Okay, that hits.
Michael (Arete)
And as I sink the blade into the first heretic, I call to Ares. "Ares aid me!"
[SFX: A soft boom and a glimmer of Ares' boon.]
Michael (Arete)
13 damage.
Tau
You seem to have wounded it pretty badly. It goes (cackles).
Michael (Arete)
I do my second attack with my two weapon fighting on the other Wretched Heretic. Does a 20 hit?
Tau
20 hits.
Michael (Arete)
And that does 12 damage
[SFX: A whip of sword and a squishy thunk.]
Tau
So you've got both of them pretty badly wounded.
Amanda (Annie)
How many Heretics are there again?
Tau
There are two Wretched Heretics, two Wretched Goons
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna make her way over to the Goons and she would like to cast thunder wave at third level, they have to make a constitution saving throw.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
They get a 11.
Amanda (Annie)
YES! Okay, so that's great. Annie's gonna yell to the gods "Ares aid me in this attack."
[SFX: A soft boom and a glimmer of Ares' boon.]
Amanda (Annie)
And she's gonna do 27 damage.
Tau
Alright, you obliterate both Wretched Goons.
Amanda (Annie)
YEAH! She's gonna turn around and look back at all the guys be like "Look!"
[SFX: A boom of thunder and splat.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf claps.
Amanda (Annie)
"Look at that! We did it! Alright!"
Michael (Arete)
Arete gives the thumbs up and goes "Well done Annie."
Amanda (Annie)
"Thank you."
Tau
Wretched Heretics are up, they're both gonna go (cackle) and fire off their beams. Alright, everybody takes 19 force damage as these bolts go bam bam bam bam!
Amanda (Annie)
(cries out)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander puts his shield up but alas it is fruitless.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Arete make sure to finish your meal. Acid splash!" Please roll a dexterity saving throw and I'm using blood crystals, of course, so that raises the DC to 18.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
They get 20.
[SFX: A bell dongs.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Bingo bango bongo, Ruyi Jingu Bang!
Tau
Alright, they get 15.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Aha! That fails and so I do 2d6 damage plus an additional 3d6. So that is 5, 10, 13, and 18 total damage.
Tau
You would however, you see this golden shield of light bounce the acid splash off of both of them.
Michael (Arete)
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, Alexander's gonna run to help Arete cut these guys down.
Michael (Arete)
"I'm sorry that I didn't finish my meal, everyone. I have a mastication problem."
Amanda (Annie)
"It's okay. It's okay. Who doesn't?"
Tau
Everybody gets a mastication probably around 13 or so.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Would a 12 land?
Tau
That would hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Don't forget your hang over y'all."
Amanda & Nicholas
Oh yeah.
Tau
Yeah, you have to tell me you're applying a stack of hangover.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh, but yeah, you would choose that over Ares?
Tau
No, it doesn't replace it. Okay, so are you doing damage?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes, sorry, that would be 23 damage.
Tau
So like I said, it would hit, you're about to do 23 damage. You hit on a point on the shoulder.
[SFX: THUNK of metal on metal.]
Tau
It bounces immediately back to you. And you deal 23 damage to yourself.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(stunned) "Wha- ow I can't get through."
Tau
New round is up. Two Wretched Gentry and two Skulltivators appear...
Tau
[SFX: SWOOSH as they appear.]
Tau
...right by the Heretics if that's helpful.
Michael (Arete)
Alexander has joined me here. So that means he is near the Heretics. So I can do sneak attack damage. And I'm going to do some two weapon fighting to attack both of the Heretics. So the first roll is a 12. Does that hit?
Tau
It would, so what is your damage?
Michael (Arete)
"Ares make the enemy feel this blade."
[SFX: A soft boom and a glimmer of Ares' boon.]
Michael (Arete)
That is gonna be (singing) 41 damage.
Amanda (Annie)
Holy--
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Tau
You deal 41 damage to the heretic. You just completely cleave it in twain, it goes (sigh of death).
Michael (Arete)
And then I'll use the two weapon fighting to attack the other Heretic.
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
Does a 15 hit?
Tau
It would.
Michael (Arete)
Wonderful. That'll be a 23.
Tau
You feel like you would do this damage but the golden shield of light appears around it and your attack bounces off to the side.
Amanda (Annie)
All of them are crowded together. I know Arete is with them. Alex is with them.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, they will kill me.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh yeah, you're the last one.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah 100% hundo per-chen-toe. (singing) Fuck. (back to normal voice) Okay, well, er, Annie would like to use song of apathy.
Tau
Okay,
Amanda (Annie)
And I would like to choose all of the creatures that aren't Alex and Arete?
Tau
Sure.
Amanda (Annie)
Amazing. Thank you. Annie's gonna pull out her viol to do this, she's gonna use song of apathy. She's gonna play, uh, not heart wrenching but it's a kind of heart wrenching dark very deep kind of song. All creatures have to make a wisdom saving throw.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
13.
Amanda (Annie)
Fails! We love to see it. Okay, so targets which failed a saving through have their attack roles reduced by the amount I roll on the die which is a 1d8. Thank you so much. For the duration of the song.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Except that they get automatic attacks with those.
Amanda (Annie)
I just rolled a four.
Tau
Okay, so anybody who makes attack rolls gets minus four on them. Heretic is up. It is going to go (cackles) and fire bolts at each of y'all for nine force damage.
[SFX: Wooshes of the bolts.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander's stimulus package (laughs).
Amanda (Annie)
Stimulus package.
Tau
2000 HP every death retroactively.
Players
(laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, it stimulates his heart and I go (shakes). I guess he's brought back and invisible.
Tau
All right. He's invisible. That's good. Wretched Gentry are up. Wretched Gentry are going to attempt to attack Arete.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
They're swinging at you with their goblets.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
That is a nine, I imagine that doesn't hit?
Michael (Arete)
It don't.
Tau
Another is swinging at you with a 16
Michael (Arete)
That's with Annie's minus four? Oof.
Tau
Oops. Oh yeah, that's sorry minus four uh so 12. Sorry.
Michael (Arete)
Okay, yeah, that doesn't hit.
Tau
So Wretched Gentry miss you. Skulltivators are gonna go (goatlike cackle) and try to bite ya.
Tau
They get a zero.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Aaaand 20 after the song.
Michael (Arete)
Yep, that hits.
Tau
One piercing damage, five fire damage.
[SFX: A clicking CHOMP.]
Michael (Arete)
And I'm gonna go ahead and use uncanny dodge as a reaction. When an attacker that I can see hits me with an attack, I can use my reaction to halve the attacks damage against me.
Tau
Great. So you only take three.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All right, bring out the big guns boys" and Rolf is going to use level four erupting earth. Wait actually I don't need to. Yeah, it's a bit much. Sorry. Sorry, bring out the large guns but like not, you know not the BFG. Rolf is going to use level three erupting earth in a 20 foot cube. And I'm going to expend a sorcery point to use careful spell, allowing Arete and Alexander to automatically succeed that saving. I am also going to use my blood crystal...
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...to increase the DC of that saving throw up to a 20. So everyone has to roll a 20 dexterity saving throw.
Tau
Okay.
[SFX: Dice clatters.]
Tau
Everybody fails.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Beautiful. And they take the 3d12 was... 15 plus eight so that's 23 plus seven, 30 plus three so 33 damaged total. As fountains of earth with chunks of red crystal erupt up against all of these creatures.
[SFX: A WOOMF of movement. Dice rolls one after the other.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That doesn't sound nice.
Tau
So both Skulltivators lose their thick skulls.
[SFX: A fwumf.]
Tau
The two Wretched Gentry the erupting Earth hits them and a golden shield bounces the earth off of them. And for the Wretched Heretic, the erupting earth hits the Wretched Heretic and a golden shield bounces it directly back to you Rolf.
[SFX: That WOOMF of movement bounces with a medium tone DING.]
Tau
For the damage that it deals, make a dexterity saving throw against your own DC.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Well, that's a seven so I die.
Tau
Are you death defiancing?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No, I'm using my adrenaline.
[SFX: Glass breaks and a shimmer emerges.]
Tau
Oh, you're gonna be fine.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(resigned) Yeah, it's just upsetting.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
Tau
You get hit, you get hit with this blast of erupting earth and then you go (gasps) out of it as you emerge from the earth.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Not even, what everyone else sees is they just see a fountain of earth cover Rolf...
[SFX: A torrent of earth sliding.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and then when the earth is done erupting, there's just nothing there because I'm invisible.
Tau
Okay, cool. Okay, do you do anything else on your turn?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Um? Cry.
Tau
I'll let you cry as a free action.
Nicholas (Alexander)
A single tear maybe.
Amanda (Annie)
You're so giving.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm going to lay hands on myself for six.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then I'll stay invisible.
Michael (Arete)
Alright, I'm gonna go for some dual weeding- dual wielding attacks. One is going to be against the remaining Heretic. Does a 17 hit?
Tau
Possibly, roll damage.
Michael (Arete)
That is a 12 damage.
Tau
You stab into that Wretched Heretic and a shield rebuffs you and that dagger turns right back around on you...
[SFX: A ding off the shield then a grunt from Arete.]
Tau
...for 12 damage
Michael (Arete)
"Goodbye friends."
Amanda (Annie)
No.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh you have death defiance.
Michael (Arete)
Oh.
Amanda (Annie)
My gosh.
Michael (Arete)
Yes, I defy thee.
Tau
Do you do anything else on your turn?
Michael (Arete)
Yeah, I go to my two weapon fighting bonus action to attack the Heretic again.
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
A 24.
Tau
That would probably hit.
Michael (Arete)
Perhaps? 10 damage.
Tau
Once again, you emerge from death, you stab at it. It immediately, like Athena's fury turns it right back on and you stab yourself that amount.
Michael (Arete)
(grunts) "Once more into the blood, my friends," and the blood just bursts up and grabs drags me down into the depths.
Tau
Yeah, it's like slow and icy cold.
[SFX: The blood bursts, ice crackling.]
Tau
In fact, as this is happening, because it's so slow and icy cold, you're not sucked in just yet. But that does conclude your turn for now. Annie, it's your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Heal him Anastasia!"
Tau
I will say this is peculiar to you that Arete is not consumed by the blod yet.
Amanda (Annie)
Of course!
Tau
That is peculiar to you.
Amanda (Annie)
Yes. Annie's gonna, having seen Arete die, but not really. And it's just kind of like frozen on the ice. She's gonna run over. And as as gently, gently but like, you know, not trying to crack the ice or anything. Or break the ice badoom chhh. She's not gonna do that, she's gonna touch Arete's frozen body, and she's going to cast cure wounds...
[SFX: The viol plays jaunty notes.]
Amanda (Annie)
...at level three, which is 13.
Tau
You've got 13. Do you do anything else on your turn, Annie?
Amanda (Annie)
And I give Aretea big hug and I say "Quit it you're not dying yet."
Michael (Arete)
"Thanks, Annie."
Michael (Arete)
Stinky baby! No!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Arete crawls out of the blood (laughs).
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's gonna try pulling Arete out of the, onto the platform.
Tau
As you do that you hear (cackle) and three bolts are gonna fly at everybody.
Players
No!!
Nicholas (Alexander)
Even invisible?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Including the invisibles?
Tau
Who is invisible?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Rolf and I.
Tau
Okay, so only at Annie and Arete for nine force damage. Three bolts go bam, bam, bam.
Amanda (Annie)
It's only nine, it's only nine Arete. It's only nine.
Tau
The Wretched Gentry are going to try to attack. They're gonna try to attack you Annie.
Amanda (Annie)
That's fine.
Tau
10, does that hit?
Amanda (Annie)
It, no.
Tau
Okay. Okay, well then probably not an eight either, right?
Amanda (Annie)
No.
Tau
All right, let's try the Skulltivator attacks.
[SFX: The dice clatter.]
Tau
Oh, okay. 23.
Amanda (Annie)
(singing) Yeah. That hits!
Tau
That is one piercing five fire.
[SFX: A clicking CHOMP.]
Amanda (Annie)
(singing) Okay!
Tau
Another Skulltivator attack, 14.
Amanda (Annie)
(still singing) That hits too!
Tau
One piercing, five fire.
[SFX: A clicking CHOMP.]
Amanda (Annie)
"That's nothing. Come on, you invisible little babies, let's GO!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(yelling then laughing) "Well, if we don't do something now, this this is it folks." So they see the blood crystals lying on the ground just slowly get sucked into this invisible force field.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
As I become visible with eight meteors rotating around me at level four.
Tau
Hell yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And I'm going to hurl one at the Heretic and one at one of the Gentry.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
But when they land, everyone within that radius needs to make a dexterity saving throw.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So the number to beat is an 18.
Tau
Woof, okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'll expend another sorcery point to make sure that Arete and Alexander are safe.
[SFX: The dice roll.]
Tau
They get a 13.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That fails. So each creature within five feet of the point where the meteor explodes, okay, they made it. A creature takes 2d6 fire damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one. So it's 2d6 plus another 3d6. So that is five plus... 20 fire damage.
Tau
Okay, basically 20 fire damage twice, right?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes. And then I would also like to call upon "Dionysus! Sicken them!"
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Oooo.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And I would like to apply hangover to them. That would be two stacks, because it was a two separate impacts.
[SFX: Dice roll after roll.]
Tau
So the Wretched Heretic dies outright.
[SFX: Blood SPLORT.]
Tau
One Wretched Gentry, the meteor bounces off of him...
[SFX: DING of a shield rebound.]
Tau
...and shield protects him from the explosion damage. Another Wretched Gentry takes what? 40 damage, right?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
Okay, so that Wretched Gentry is obliterated.
[SFX: SPLORT.]
Tau
One Skulltivator is also obliterated. And another Skulltivator is shielded from the explosion.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay.
Tau
So now we only have the Wretched Gentry and the Skulltivator left.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Thank God because I have exactly 40 hit points, so I thought I was about to be obliterated. (laughs)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Does the Gentry die in the first hit or the second hit?
Tau
They kind of happened simultaneously because he threw two meteors and I just resolved both explosions.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Like, how, do I want to like, if I go hard, I kill myself. Do I... do I do it? Do I risk it for the biscuit?
Tau
You have six seconds to decide six, five, four.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alright, I'm gonna attack the Wretched.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So would a 14 land?
Tau
It would.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Tau
Your attack bounces off.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'd like to attack him again then. Aan eight wouldn't land.
Tau
An eight does not hit.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then for my bonus action, I'm going to cast shield of faith, plus two AC to me.
[SFX: A stuttering woosh.]
Michael (Arete)
So who's left?
Tau
There is a Wretched Gentry and a Skulltivator.
Michael (Arete)
I am going to become invisible using deathshroud...
[SFX: Pop!]
Michael (Arete)
...and then I am going to perform staggering sweep on the Goon.
Tau
He gets a nat 20.
Michael (Arete)
Lovely. Arete is going to pull out the doll if he can, and just kind of whisper "Please, please." And he just kind of squeezes the doll.
Tau
You see a portal open up behind you...
[SFX: A quick portal WOOSH.]
Tau
...and you smell flowers and like green leaves and ivies start flowing out of it...
[SFX: A twist of vines, the hint of birdcall.]
Tau
...and then you see Adonis come out of it...
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps)
Tau
...with his bow and arrows. "I've got you," and he fires an arrow...
[SFX: THWICK of the arrow releasing.]
Tau
...and when he fires the arrow, it splits into a whole volley of arrows...
[SFX: A cascade of arrows whipping through the air.]
Tau
...that attack both the Wretched Gentry and the Skulltivator. They both have to make dexterity saving throws.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Five and 14 which does not save. Now. Let's see if Athena comes through for them. It does not.
Amanda (Annie)
Yes!
Tau
He just fires this rain of arrows on them...
[SFX: A wash of THUNKTHUNKTHUNK as the arrows hit home]
Tau
(earnest) "I hope that helps."
[SFX: An ethereal glimmer of the portal closing.]
Tau
And the portal closes again.
Players
(laugh)
Michael (Arete)
I whisper to the doll. "Thank you Adonis."
Tau
And also the leaves of the twigs on the doll kind of just like become gray as if you can't use them again this run. Unless you strengthen your bond with Adonis further.
Tau
That's that. So again, the room filled with the smell of incense and a mechanical owl comes...
Amanda (Annie)
Bow chicka wow wow
[SFX: Wings FLAP.]
Tau
...flits over to you and start speaking to you. And it says (clipped and precise) "I wouldn't be the goddess of wisdom if I didn't offer valuable instruction from time to time. I take it we've learned our lesson?"
Michael (Arete)
(exhausted) Yes!
Tau
Roll a d4 for me.
Michael (Arete)
A two.
Tau
Okay, this is an epic level boon. So you may choose between a power, survivability, or utility epic level Athena boon.
Michael (Arete)
"If the survivability is that shield, I would very much like that shield." (laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
"High key, yeah."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I'm very much inclined to agree."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Yes."
Tau
Okay. Make an intelligence check.
Michael (Arete)
Oh, it's a lovely three for my intelligence check.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
17 for me.
Tau
Rolf, you get the sense that the amount of damage that Athena was dishing out to you guys by turning around your attacks suggests that that effect might be closer to like a power boon than a survivability boon. Like her, but that means her survivability boon is also pretty fucking dope.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah. "Folks, as far as whatever was going on there, I just, the way it shook out, I have a feeling that might be a power boon type thing, just incredible damage output. However, I do think if that was a power or power with power, then I would love to also see her power with survivability."
Michael (Arete)
"I agree. Let's do it."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Survivability, yes?"
Players
"Yes."
Amanda (Annie)
"Sure."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All right. Athena, we accept this blessing of survivability."
Tau
Right, with the epic survivability boon from Athena, you take reduced damage from attack. So every single instance of damage you take is reduced by three.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ooh.
Tau
So that is cooler than you think it is.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah.
Tau
Remember all those like Wretched Heretics going, bam, bam, bam? That damage reduction applies on every single one of their missiles.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's awesome.
Tau
So every single instance of damage you take is reduced by three. So that happens. After all of the Athena stuff dissipates. You see two gates as options. One is for gems, and one is for obols.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We're making it out. Obols! It will prepare us for a fight against Megara."
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh! Um, I just want to remind you all that with this," and she, Annie's gonna like show her wrist and be like, "If I use this, we can change the gates."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, yes."
Amanda (Annie)
"If ever we feel like that. Just wanted, I just wanted to remind you all, that's all."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I mean, I would like a boon but I'm also happy with obols because we usually get an opportunity to spend them before we make it to Megara."
Amanda (Annie)
"Me as well, yeah."
Michael (Arete)
"Obols it is."
Tau
You tap on the obols crystal it slides up to a portal.
[SFX: Stone scraping, sliding up.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I take everyone's hands and we run in together.
[SFX: Portal SWOOSH.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
You have three hands?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, wow, okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay.
Tau
You find yourself in the fountain room.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(Relieved) Ahhhh.
Amanda (Annie)
YEEEES!!
Michael (Arete)
Ahhhhh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf face plants into the fountain clothes and all.
[SFX: SPLASH.]
Tau
(chuckles) Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, yeah. Annie's just gonna smash her face into the fountain.
[SFX: SPLASH.]
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to sit on the edge of the fountain and dip his feet in.
[SFX: A gentle splash.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I am spending a short rest. I'm using one of my die. I was only missing four HP, so I get all of that back. I regain seven spell slots.
Tau
Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Same as Rolf I'll get just four health back so I'm back at 50. Religion is five. So I'm getting the two spells that I used. I actually would, if we can, spend the 10 minutes to conjure Bucephalus the Steed.
Tau
You can.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, I think I'll do that here while we have the time.
Tau
All right. You notice that the water from the fountain is exceedingly cold.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"No ice needed."
Tau
In fact, it is icy in certain places.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Reminds me of my childhood.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well, I guess if some people were bathing, I don't know. But Alexander Just took a drink from the fountain and then went to 10 minutes putting his sword and shield away took his both hands out and starts like conjuring slowly from the ground up first the hooves and the legs and after a while...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing) Like a 3d printer.
[SFX: A glimmery magic tone grows louder.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes like magic 3d printer.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Bucephalus is forced into our realm and he goes (neighs).
Tau
This shadowy beautiful black horse is elated to be reunited with its owner. It winnies and neighs and rubs its head against your hand if you let it.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I pet Bucephalus and I give him one of my rations for it to eat.
[SFX: Wet crunch.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Awww.
Amanda (Annie)
Gosh.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well hello be Bucephalus. Gang, I just want to say this is scary as hell but good work!"
Amanda (Annie)
"We did it!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Nice job evading death there, Arete."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah."
Amanda (Annie)
"Or Annie, I suppose."
Tau
Trial of the gods is never a joke.
Amanda (Annie)
"It is not I hate it and we have no choice."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All right, shall we journey forw-- oh wait, where are the obols?"
Tau
Like a wishing well, you find obols in the cold cold water. 100 obols.
[SFX: A glimmery chime.]
Michael (Arete)
And as Arete goes to pick them up, he waves the feather duster over the 100 obols to make it 120.
Tau
You also see a gate and it is a gate where the whole crystal globe is just clouded in like ice and you can just barely make out a skull and crossbones on the inside of it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh my.
Amanda (Annie)
Fuck me.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Oooo. Rolf?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Yes?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Would you mind casting your false life on my beautiful steed here?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How much health does your steed have?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"It has 13 health. It will die!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"How much does it need?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I don't know. I figured we're in the fountain room. I figured this is a good place to like..."
Tau
As much as it can get, I guess.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Get jiggy with it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, yes, here. Great. I do still feel like I have a little more resting potential in the recover slots. So I will give Bucephalus a level four false life. So Bucephalus gets 21 temporary hit points."
[SFX: A ghost of a wind as the fountain bubbles.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Wow. Look at that, darling. 34 for her."
Tau
Nice.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Shall we?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Okay." And Alexander mounts the horse and gallops into the portal with the horse. (laughing)
[SFX: Bucephalus trots.]
Tau
You smash through the crystal bulb...
[SFX: SHATTER.]
Tau
...and instead of a black portal on the other side you just see a wall of ice that you crash through as well. So when you crash through that wall of ice, instead of like black smoke, it's just this like thick white fog.
[SFX: Portal SWOOSH.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Might have to carve open Bucephalus and hide inside for warmth.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Shall we non horsey people?"
Michael (Arete)
"We shall."
Amanda (Annie)
"We must if we must."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"All right."
Players
(deadpan) Weeeeee. Yayyyy.
Tau
Alright, you're all in?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Amanda (Annie)
All in baby.
Tau
You are on a large hexagonal platform made completely of ice, you must tread very carefully here for falling off the edge would lead to certain death. For the purposes of this encounter, rather than talking about moving by individual squares, you will declare where you are standing and moving by cardinal directions. So north, south, east, west, northwest, northeast, southwest, southeast. So essentially those eight directions plus the middle. Does that make sense?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes. Are we in the center right now?
Tau
You are in the south position right now. Important things to know these are all big enough to fit all of you and you can also be in the same space as the boss if you so choose.
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps) Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Great.
Tau
Ice starts forming on top of the ice already in the center of the platform.
[SFX: Creeping cracking, breaking, crinkling.]
Tau
It slowly rises as you hear these little pieces of crystal forming and breaking and reforming again. It twists into an ice sculpture of a woman which comes to life. The icy woman turns to you and says (raspy with hate) "Your hell may burn with boiling blood but I will freeze it all with the cold of my agony!" Roll for initiative.
[SFX: A rhythmic beat fades in.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Is this Demeter?
Tau
Make a religion or history check.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Very, very threatening. I like.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh! Natural 20 plus three, 23.
Amanda (Annie)
(ribbing) I like!
Tau
So Rolf, first thing you'd realize is that this is the source of all the cold in Tartarus.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I see. "Y'all, this is Chione. Daughter of Boreas, twisted version, I'm assuming not the original. So, um, get ready, folks. Buckle in. Roll that initiative. I got a 17."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ah.
Tau
The blood freezing, everything comes down to whatever force is happening here. You recognize this to be the daughter of Boreas, the Northwind. And her name is Chione.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Chione.
Tau
And with that really good roll, what you know is that she had a child that she threw into the sea and was rescued by Poseidon, but now she's obviously in Tartarus for whatever reason. And it seems like the blood of Tartarus is kind of coagulating and creating this twisted version of Chione much like it did when you guys die.
Tau
Snow level. Yay.
Amanda (Annie)
Yay!
Nicholas (Alexander)
My initiative is seven.
Michael (Arete)
My initiative was 11.
Amanda (Annie)
Dirty 20.
Tau
Nice. So here's what happens. At initiative 20, independent of you, Annie, you see this woman of ice in the middle appear and she's got this long icy hair and at initiative 20, four reflections of Chione appear on these corner cardinal directions. So in the northwest, northeast, southwest and southeast corners...
[SFX: WOOSHES as the reflections appear.]
Tau
...you see these reflections of Chione facing you. Annie it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
Great. Annie's gonna cast blindness deafness on Chione. Gonna pull out her viol, play a really sharp and harsh piercing kind of tune.
[SFX: The bow scrapes across the viol.]
Amanda (Annie)
And Chione needs to make a constitution saving throw.
Tau
She gets a 21.
Amanda (Annie)
Well fuck me and call me Susan. Okay.
Tau
"You have attempt to blind me, but I am already blinded by hatred."
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh, oh, okay."
Michael (Arete)
"That's really metal, lady."
Amanda (Annie)
All right, well, then, as a bonus action, I would like to cast bardic inspiration on... "You know what, Rolf, you you I think, I think you just you need some love." Annie's gonna cast bardic inspiration and give that to Rolf
[SFX: Jaunty little viol tune.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Thanks."
Amanda (Annie)
"You're welcome."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, so I am proficient in arcana. So I would like to try and make a check to understand the function of the reflections.
Tau
Okay, you can do that as a bonus action because you're proficient.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That's a 24.
Tau
Excellent. With that you actually learned two things about the reflections. One is that you know, on initiative 20, the reflections will change position. Furthermore, the reflections' primary function is to replicate the attacks that Chione makes.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Does it look like they could be killed?
Tau
It looks like you could temporarily dispell them by doing damage to them, but they would reappear. Just like this ice is kind of reforming everywhere. But with that really good arcana role, what I'll tell you is that anytime Chione makes an attack, that attack obviously has a range. So if you think about it, all of her reflections of her reflections are making those attacks, they will also have a certain range.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
You might be able to position yourself in such a way that you don't get hit by the reflections.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Great. So I'm going to stay in the center section for now, I am going to pass witch bolt at level three on Chione in the center. I would like to use a blood crystal for that as well. So that is a 25 to hit.
Tau
Okay, that hits.
[SFX: A gentle boom and magical tones.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ares! Dionysus! Help me strike this shade!" And I do 15 plus, oo! 53 lightning damage to Chione.
[SFX: A BOOM.]
Amanda (Annie)
God bless.
Tau
You do all that. She goes (cries out) That really hurts. That is a lot of damage.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah!!!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Is my blood crystal lodged in her?
Tau
It is lodged, it is lodged as can be.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We'll be back for more!"
Michael (Arete)
I'm going to draw La Voix.
[SFX: The shink of metal being drawn.]
Michael (Arete)
And I'm going to make an attack on Chione. Does a 21 hit?
Tau
It does.
Michael (Arete)
Wonderful, 21 damage.
Tau
Okay. Yeah, you do 21 piercing damage to her.
Michael (Arete)
I'm going to use my cunning bonus action to dash and attempt to push her with Poseidon's waves.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
What is your grave marker maneuver DC?
Michael (Arete)
A 13.
Tau
Okay, she gets a 19 so she could be pushed away but she is not for the moment.
Tau
But you get some AC out of it right? Do you move to any other place in this dash? Or do you stay in place?
Michael (Arete)
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to move into the western center section.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm going to ride up on Bucephalus with the long sword and cut.
[SFX: CLOP of the horse hooves.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm assuming 21 lands?
Tau
That does hit.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Don't forget all your boons, friends."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yep, yep, yep, "Calling upon Ares, guide my blade."
[SFX: A soft boom and magical tones.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alright, and I'm using divine smite on that as well. So it would be 2d8 unless she's a fiend...
Tau
She is not a fiend.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So that attack would be 23 damage...
[SFX: A quick squishy pierce.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and then I would attack again. And sure if Dionysus will slither in there as well.
[SFX: The magical tone of a boon.]
Tau
Yes, he will.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay 21 again. That's another divine smite, that time I do 35 damage.
[SFX: A whip THUNK of contact.]
Tau
You guys better be ready for her vengeance because you are beating up on this lady.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh no.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So he's riding around in a circle around her just (cutting noises) cutting her down. As a bonus action, I would like to use shield of faith on myself.
Tau
Alright, Chione is up. She has taken a severe beating. She is very angry. She says, "I'll freeze your blood before you can even begin to bleed it!" And then she is going to unleash a frozen blade of ice...
[SFX: A crackle and shink.]
Tau
...which is going to stab forward at Arete as... the way this works is actually because she's pointing it at Arete who's in the western center hexagon, and she is in the central hexagon where everyone else's, it pierces, so it attacks everybody in this AOE. Arete and Alexander you both take seven piercing damage and 10 cold damage.
[SFX: A wet HIT.]
Tau
The next thing she is going to do is she is going to fire two rays of frost. One towards Arete and one towards at Rolf and Annie.
Tau
Hey now!
Tau
So these are not your usual rays of frost, it's going in a hole straight line down that section right? She gets a critical miss on the one at Arete. She gets an 18 to Annie and Rolf.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That hits.
Tau
Okay that deals....25 cold damage.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my word.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Is that all one instance?
Amanda (Annie)
Minus three!
Tau
That is all one instance of cold damage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
25 so minus three... 22 damage. Rolf half dies. (half laughs, half grunts).
Tau
She takes four hangover damage at the end of her turn. And then furthermore, she loses... three stacks of hangover. So she's back down to one stack of hangover right now. We're back at the top of initiative order and the reflections go first at initiative 20. The reflections all stab forward with the blade of ice. Is anybody in sections one, three, five, seven, or nine?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Tau
Okay, you are getting hit with an attack, a bunch of attacks. You're getting hit with 4 attacks. Does a 22 hit?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, so multiply this damage by four but remember each of these is an instance of damage so subtract 12 total from it. 17 cold damage times four.
[SFX: The blade PIERCES wetly.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
So I guess Bucephalus evaporates or dies.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Aww.
Tau
Will using him as a meat shield save you?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, if like we share the damage? Yeah.
Tau
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we're gonna so it's just destroyed Bucephalus first as as all these reflections shoot four giant crystal lances that converge right in the middle at you.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay, so it's four times 17.
Tau
So 56 and then subtract Bucephalus first then you. Remember all that extra help Bucephalus has from false life.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Cool. So now I only take 22 damage. Rearing Bucephalus up into the air I guess he keeps the top half of me safe but he gets obliterated and my legs get all frozen.
[SFX: A SLASH and a shrieking NEIGH.]
Tau
The four reflections silently withdraw their crystal lances and then they change position, they all rotate around the hexagon.
[SFX: A waterlike grinding.]
Tau
So now the reflections are at the north, south, east, and west positions.
Amanda (Annie)
Brilliant. Who's still in the center with Chione?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Me, falling off my horsey.
Amanda (Annie)
"Are you willing to take the hit? Would you be okay?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"I can still come back to life so if you think it's necessary, but I think it's best to keep our-"
Tau
You have six seconds to decide.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, fair enough. All right. Annie's gonna cast thunder wave on Chione so I guess both you and Alexander make a constitution saving throw.
[SFX: Dice rolls.]
Tau
Oh, she has really good constitution but she only got a nine.
Amanda (Annie)
That's great. That hits her.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Got an eight.
Amanda (Annie)
Alex you're fine! Alex. No, you're not. Aw I'm sorry. No, you're not. Ah, shit. Alex.
Nicholas (Alexander)
It's all right. I only did all the damage. With Rolf.
Amanda (Annie)
I know. I just. Yeah, it's 2d8 thunder damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Well, if you don't use Ares, I'll live.
Amanda (Annie)
Can I at least direct stack to only Chione or no, it would apply to both.
Tau
If you're, no, you're casting a spell. So you can say Ares do this or Ares don't do this.
Amanda (Annie)
Okay, yeah, so it's just going to be the 2d8. Hey, that's just five damage.
Tau
Plus hangover?
Amanda (Annie)
No, because I don't want it to affect Alex.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"(graoning) Readily fire."
Amanda (Annie)
"Oh, don't be so dramatic Alex." And then Annie is gonna run to the southeast.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
So I'm going to continue casting that witch bolt down into Chione and call upon Ares to strengthen that shot. So that becomes...27 damage.
[SFX: A fiery WOOSH.]
Tau
(Chone cries out)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And then I'm going to run into the southeast corner and prepare myself for whatever comes next.
Michael (Arete)
Because Chione is right near Alexander, I'm going to go ahead and attempt some sneak attack damage using La Voix. Does a 21 hit?
Tau
A 21 does hit.
Michael (Arete)
Wonderful and that will be 39 damage.
[SFX: A wet slash.]
Michael (Arete)
And as I stab into her with La Voix, I call out "Ares and Dionysus, aid me in my time of need."
Tau
As you do this you feel that you've done so much damage to her at this point that she is actually melting.
Michael (Arete)
I will use my bonus action to dash...
[SFX: WOOSH.]
Michael (Arete)
...and I will go ahead and move into the northeast corner and that concludes my turn.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm going to use holy bulwark for the action to raise my AC too plus three and then dash two Arete's northeast corner.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is going to yell out to everyone "Start spreading out so that we don't all get hit at once."
Tau
"Yes, I think that is a fine idea. Freeze!" and then she's gonna whip her long icy hair in a circle and it's going to make a donut attack. So when I say a donut attack...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Awww.
Tau
...it means it is hitting every region that is except the center.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs) Not the center.
Tau
So it is one, two, three, four, six, seven, eight, and nine. So everyone who is not in the center section of the hexagon is attacked by this whipping hair of ice. She... gets a 23.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
That hits.
Michael (Arete)
That hits for a Arete.
Amanda (Annie)
That hits for Annie.
Tau
For people that it hits, it deals seven slashing damage and 10 cold damage. That is all one instance.
[SFX: A whip of air and the players cry out.]
Tau
Now she is going to do.... it resembles a different cantrip called swordburst. Which also if you think about it functions in a donut fashion, but it's like ice swords this time.
Amanda (Annie)
(softly) Oh.
Tau
So she is going to do two of those at y'all and you have to make a dexterity saving throw.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm going to expend bardic inspiration for that.
Tau
Okay.
Tau
Of course I rolled a one. Okay. 12.
Amanda (Annie)
Annie got a 21
Michael (Arete)
Arete got a 29 with Alex's bonus.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And Alexander gets a 23.
Tau
Okay, who got below a 17?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I did.
Tau
Okay.
[SFX: Rolls a series of dice.]
Tau
You take 17 cold damage.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I die.
[SFX: A wet SLASH.]
Tau
Reduced by three.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I still die.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And then I come back to life.
[SFX: A woosh and a DONG.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And I say (blubbering) "Please! Not yet, please, don't do this to me, please!" (cries)
Tau
So you do that and then she takes four damage from hangover. She loses one hangover stack. So she's at three. Now all the reflections are going to charge up with that like hair whipping attack that happens in a doughnut shape.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Bye, ya'll."
Tau
Everybody at the corner points of the hexagon is affected by this.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
All of us?
Michael (Arete)
Yeah.
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah.
Tau
Okay, well, you know, we're learning, we're learning. Okay, each of you is only getting hit by two at most though, so the attack rolls for both of these are 20.
Michael (Arete)
That hits.
Tau
I don't know if you care about the breakdown, but it's a 17 cold and slashing damage twice for anybody who gets hit.
Michael (Arete)
Alright.
[SFX: A wet SLASH.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(yells out in agony)
Michael (Arete)
And then, Arete, as he dies, yells out "Death defiance!"
Tau
Noice.
Michael (Arete)
And he comes back with his eight health.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander picks him up while sprinting in a circle.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf goes to give Annie a hug and then just drop stone cold dead on the floor.
[SFX: THUMP.]
Amanda (Annie)
Ah!
Tau
Annie, it is your turn.
Amanda (Annie)
"Ahhh! Rolf! You're not dead!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughing) I am.
Amanda (Annie)
"You're not like dead dead."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'm dead dead, Annie."
Amanda (Annie)
(cries out) Annie's gonna use cure wounds on this son of a biscuit, Rolf.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
It's not my fault I fucking died.
[SFX: Melancholy string music plays a moment.]
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) And you gain 12 HP.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(dramatic) "Annie, it's so cold. My bones."
Amanda (Annie)
"I know. Get up! We're not done!"
Tau
Chione calls out to you, she says "You're shivery."
Amanda (Annie)
"Shut up!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"We're gonna kill you lady!" and Rolf chips the ice away from his waist then crawls out of the frozen blood.
Amanda (Annie)
Ew. Annie's gonna move to the east, east center, east, east center.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf is going to run to the center south square where we originated.
[SFX: Running steps.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
He's going to use another blood crystal plus the plus three he gets for having one already embedded in her and he is going to roll a 36 to hit with a fireball.
Tau
Holy fucking shit. Yeah, that hits.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
All right. And then he's going to call on both Ares of Dionysus and say "Strengthen my flames," as he shoots out fountains of flames for a total of... plus another 10 to 22 plus 14 is 36 fire damage.
Tau
Rolf, you think you're doing 36 fire damage but it looks like you're doing 72 fire damage.
[SFX: A great FWOOMF of fire.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I thought so.
Tau
She is looking at a pretty bad way.
Amanda (Annie)
She's not done?!
Tau
No, she's looking pretty bad.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
The flames cast an ominous glow on his face as he smiles.
Tau
She goes (cries out). That's the sound she makes.
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to sneak up behind Chione. Before he moved you saw a shimmer of light and a popping sound as he disappeared into the blue darkness of this icy cold tundra. As it creeps behind her, he raises La Voix and drives it into her neck. Does a 23 hit?
Tau
Yeah. Do you guys ever roll sub 20 on these fucking attack rolls? Jesus.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
All the time.
Tau
Okay, all right. Well, that does hit.
Michael (Arete)
And as he drives the weapon into her neck, he whispers in her ear. "Let me rip you. Ares aid me." That would be... 34 damage.
Tau
She's looking very bad.
Michael (Arete)
We love to hear it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Dionysus finished her off.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yep. Running to her and cutting her.
Michael (Arete)
So, sorry. Arete, you're in the center, yes?
Michael (Arete)
Correct.
Tau
Okay, Annie. You're in the east?
Amanda (Annie)
Yes.
Tau
Rolf. You're in the south?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes.
Tau
Okay. Alexander, where, you're running to the center?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes... to cut her open.
Amanda (Annie)
Kill her.
Nicholas (Alexander)
To kill her. Okay. The first hit is a nine which I don't think lands.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
[SFX: Ice BREAKS but nothing more.]
Tau
She shrugs it off with a chilly laugh, she goes (laughs chilly)
Nicholas (Alexander)
But then he comes around with that momentum and gets a 24... so that should land?
Tau
Okay, yeah that hits. I had this cool last boss that you guys did 400 fucking damage to.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Wow she's still fucking... okay.
Tau
You haven't done 400 but quite close.
Nicholas (Alexander)
And he's gonna make it divine smite, he calls upon "Ares guide my hand!"
[SFX: The soft boom and tones of magic.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Dionysus, get in there too boy!"
Tau
"Yes. All the gods! I'll kill (wheeze laughs)." Oh lord. I only ended up with 19 damage and then I will dash to Rolf in the south position.
Michael (Arete)
Wait, you can dash as a bonus action?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Michael (Arete)
(surprised) Oh.
Tau
You can?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes, right?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No.
Tau
No, dashing is an action.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh.
Tau
But you can just move.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Just move to him? Okay.
[SFX: Alex scampers over.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Hi.
Tau & Players
(laugh)
Nicholas (Alexander)
So yeah, that's all I get to do. I guess. So we're dead.
Amanda (Annie)
(whispers, nervous) Dionysus.
Tau
Chione is up.
Michael (Arete)
I'm ready to die.
Amanda (Annie)
No, we're not!
Tau
"Chill to the bone!" And then she's gonna whip around and do a roundhouse kick. It is a whipping heel of ice. It's a cone attack, actually. It can hit five, sixe, eight, and nine so it can hit the center of the hexagon, the east of the hexagon, the south of the hexagon, and the south east of the hexagon.
Michael (Arete)
So all of us, all of us.
Amanda (Annie)
(high pitched, wheezing) What the fuuuuuu.
Tau
Is that everybody?
Michael (Arete)
That is everybody.
Tau
(cackles)
Amanda (Annie)
For how much?! Tell me!
Tau
I'm not even fucking with y'all. Guys. I'm not fucking with y'all. I literally drew out diagrams for each of the three shapes.
Amanda (Annie)
I don't believe it!
Tau
And how it like works by reflection arrangement.
Amanda (Annie)
How much just...
Tau
So she does this whipping of ice so let's see how she does on the attack. 22
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes!
Amanda (Annie)
Fuck.
Michael (Arete)
Okay, that hits for Arete.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm good.
Tau
Okay, so it's 17 bludgeoning and cold damage.
[SFX: A WHIP CRUNCH.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Becomes a 14 which is still enough to kill me by two points.
Tau
Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(cries out)
[SFX: THUMP.]
Michael (Arete)
Arete is going to expend a reaction to use uncanny dodge to half the damage.
Tau
Okay.
Michael (Arete)
How that works is Arete being the closest to her, sees her winding up this roundhouse and he is able to do a Matrix style dodge as he leans back, but the ice from that kick still scrapes across his torso.
[SFX: Ice crackles.]
Michael (Arete)
Dealing only half the damage.
Tau
Cool. All right. Um, how much HP does everybody have?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah, Annie just died.
[SFX: A hard hitting SPLORT.]
Amanda (Annie)
But Annie hasn't used death defiance so Annie's gonna not die.
Tau
(laughs)
Amanda (Annie)
Take that!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf drops to negative two as he looks at Alexander and then gets hit by the ice and then frozen blood comes up and in captures all of him but his face...
[SFX: A crackling SPLORT.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
...and slowly started crashing into the ground.
Tau
Alexander and Arete, what's your HP at?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Uh, 15.
Michael (Arete)
I'm sitting pretty at one HP.
Tau
Have you had your death defiance yet? Alexander?
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, I have not.
Michael (Arete)
Is she gonna do anything else before the reflections?
Amanda (Annie)
Fuck me. I swear on everything.
Tau
I mean, some of you might be safe. So the way the cone works, it can only hit like in this diamond configuration. Right? So everybody who is in the north, south, east, or west section can get hit by this.
Michael (Arete)
I'm in the center.
Tau
Okay, yeah, so you're fine. So the reflections all do these roundhouse kicks.
[SFX: A whip then thunk.]
Tau
It is a 17. Is anybody else taking hits?
Michael (Arete)
We're already dead.
Michael (Arete)
No Annie's alive.
Amanda (Annie)
(resigned) No. Annie's dead.
[SFX: A wet SPLORT.]
Michael (Arete)
Oh, again from this.
Tau
At death's door though is both Chione and also Annie who is up. So roll a death saving throw.
Amanda (Annie)
No! yeah, that's a six.
Tau
Okay, so that's just one failure. Rolf, it is your turn to make that save.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Alright. 14.
Tau
Okay, so that's one save.
Michael (Arete)
Being in the center with Chione already, I'm gonna go ahead and all of a sudden start to shimmer a bit and then a popping noise and I am gone. And then Arete will sneak around to the other side of Chione and take La Voix in his hand and he will lick the blade, look up to the heavens and say (intense) "Ares and Dionysis, aid me in this kill." And he will attempt some sneaky sneak attack. Oof. Does a nine hit?
Tau
With advantage, with advantage. You're invisible.
Michael (Arete)
Oh with advantage? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Does a... 16 hit?
Players
Ohh! (gasps) Noo!
Michael (Arete)
As I attempt to stab I miss calculate the distance and my arm just goes wooshing by her and I become visible and I'm like, "Oh. Uh. Hey there. Sorry about that. Don't mind me."
Tau
Okay, Alexander. It is your turn. Do eight damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's all I have to do. Okay.
Tau
(encouraging) Do eight damage.
Nicholas (Alexander)
I'm running at her with determination after seeing my frozen friends. And here we go.
Tau
22 does hit so Alexander, finish her.
Nicholas (Alexander)
So he sprints at her leaps up in the air, a sword above his head pointed down (YELLS).
[SFX: The sword plunges wetly in.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
Twists. the blade in her eye.
Tau
(Chione cries out in pain)
Nicholas (Alexander)
On top of her
Tau
"Not as bad as a knife through my heart."
Nicholas (Alexander)
And then he kicks her and she shatters.
Tau
She shatters.
[SFX: Chunks break.]
Tau
The reflections also shatters.
Michael (Arete)
Chione's got some some issues she's got some baggage.
[SFX: Ice cracks and falls.]
Tau
Annie. That saving throw.
Amanda (Annie)
18!
Tau
Okay, so that's a success.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yay!!
Tau
Ah, Rolf?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Two, the ice eats my face a little bit more.
Michael (Arete)
I'll roll for some medicine.
Tau
Okay. Where are you trying to stabilize?
Michael (Arete)
I'm going to stabilize Annie. It's a four.
Tau
Ya kill her.
[SFX: SPLORT.]
Tau
(laughs) You just do not know what to do.
Michael (Arete)
I'm just like fumbling around "Annie, I don't."
Amanda (Annie)
(chokes)
Michael (Arete)
"I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do, Annie!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
Alexander is gonna run over to Rolf, his hands start glowing white as he starts pulling Rolf out of the ice with his cure wounds...
[SFX: Ethereal sounds and the ice crackles.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
...and gonna roll 2d8 plus four. You get nine health as I pull you out of the ice.
Tau
That concludes Alexander's turn. Annie, it's your turn.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(gasps, alive)
Amanda (Annie)
13.
Tau
That's a success. So that's two successes, one failure. Is anybody going to try to stabalize?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Rolf does the Finding Nemo. "She can do this." And then goes "Wait, no, nevermind," and gets very--
Amanda (Annie)
What the fuck!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
--very nervous and runs over and says "Anastasia, I studied medicine for most of my life in some capacity or another. Let's see what I can do for you." A 20.
Tau
Okay, with that, she comes back up with one hit point.
[SFX: A high toned WOOSH.]
Amanda (Annie)
(gasps, now alive)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Welcome back Anastasia!"
Amanda (Annie)
(coughs and dry heaves)
Tau
What happens next is very very important. The ice all around you is melting very quickly into the void. There is a single gate with a question mark on it.
[SFX: Water rushes and flows as the ice melts.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Well, it looks like we've fixed the ice problem."
Nicholas (Alexander)
Run!
Tau
Also you find 1000 Darkness.
[SFX: A glimmering chime.]
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Eyyy.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Dust it!
Michael (Arete)
And Arete will just dust the 1000 darkness.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"It looks like we fixed the ice problem. Downside I think next time we die, we die for real. So let's not do that. Any ideas on how to not do that considering Anastasia, you look forgive m--"
Nicholas (Alexander)
(gently calling out) "Ice is melting, ruuun."
Tau
The ice is melting under your feet. You have seven, six--
Tau
Five, four...
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Run you old man!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay, let's go talk to Enigmatos." And I push the bubble."
Michael (Arete)
"Poseidon carry me to the gate!"
Amanda (Annie)
(laughs)
[SFX: Scrape then WOOSH.]
Tau
You all blast through into the Sphinx room. You find yourself in a room covered floor to ceiling in ruby red tiles.
Amanda (Annie)
Ohh.
Tau
In the center, you see a beautiful bow overgrown with vines and butterflies fluttering around it.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Enigmatos, buddy! It's me again."
Tau
(deep, gravelly voice) "Oh, hello there!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ah, how ya doing buddy."
Tau
"Hi!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I show him my Ruyi Jingu Bang and I go "Look! It's the ice infernal weapon, aspect of Rolf! Check it out."
Tau
"Oh, it looks less fancy than what I was holding on to it, but I'm proud that you made it yours."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Oh, thank you. Enigmatos I brought my friends this time."
Tau
"Ah, will they be worthy to claim an infernal arm?"
Amanda (Annie)
(coughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Annie do listen, I know how you feel about it. So I'm not even gonna say just know I'm here. I'm here that's all I'm gonna--"
Amanda (Annie)
(raspy, croaks out something)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh, no.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
And vapors appear in Rolf sand and he says "At your leisure."
Amanda (Annie)
(slurps up)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh god. Nooo.
Players
(laugh)
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yes.
Michael (Arete)
That's making it, that's making the cut.
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) Oh I'm sorry? I'm sorry. Was that not it? Was that not what we, what did you want?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No that's it.
Amanda (Annie)
What. Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, I'm going to cast it at third level to give you a total of 18 temporary hit points.
Amanda (Annie)
"(fluttery) Wooo, ooohoo. Thank you. That's ah, mmm. That's, that's that good stuff."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
You know what? I'm gonna cast it again and heal myself as well because I'm not doing too hot. Okay, I only get 17
Michael (Arete)
"So Enigmatos, what uh, what do you have in store for us this fine time?"
Tau
"I have this beautiful infernal arm here."
Nicholas (Alexander)
(wooden) "Wow. It's beautiful."
Tau
It's this beautiful bow that is overgrown with vines and butterflies flying around it but when I say bow it could be used as a bow and arrow or it could actually take the shape of like a bow used on a viol.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh!! Okay.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Damn.
Michael (Arete)
"When I, when I meant what did you have in store, I meant ask us the riddle we're, uh..."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Test our might."
Tau
"Oh, I see, you only want to come here to take these treasures that I guard."
Amanda (Annie)
"No, no."
Tau
"Pump me for riddles. Fine. Here we go."
Michael (Arete)
"No, Enigmatos. Enigmatos! Enigmatos. I thought that this was this was our repar- reparte here I thought, uh.."
Tau
"Yes yes, you're absolutely right. That is all we are. Riddle transaction friends. Let's go."
Amanda (Annie)
(sad) "You pissed him off".
Michael (Arete)
"I thought you got excited about telling riddles. I'm sorry to have assumed."
Tau
He is excited about telling this riddle, maybe a little too excited as you see as you hear the riddle.
Michael (Arete)
Oh god.
[SFX: Low bass music fades in.]
Tau
"It rises to prove, it swells when it moves..."
Amanda (Annie)
What the--
Tau
"...in the hands of a lover, no man disapproves."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Enigmatos, these riddles are getting increasingly horny."
Amanda (Annie)
Annie's unc-- Annie doesn't want to answer it. Annie would rather. (laughs)
Michael (Arete)
Could you repeat it again?
Tau
"It rises to prove, it swells when it moves. In the hands of a lover, no man disapproves."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I was thinking the ocean but then the hands of a lover threw me off. In the hands of a lover, no man...
Tau
Yeah, I think ocean is the first thing most people think.
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, that's a penis.
Tau & Players
(laugh)
Tau
Is that your final answer?
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Is it penis!"
Amanda (Annie)
Oh my gosh!
Tau
Enigmatos roars, everybody make a wisdom saving throw.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Everyone next to me. You're all here. Bad four.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Ooo. 24
Amanda (Annie)
16.
Michael (Arete)
17 For Arete
Nicholas (Alexander)
Oh 24.
Tau
Everybody who failed a DC 18 wisdom saving throw is frightened. "Disgusting!"
Amanda & Michael
(whimpers)
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Oh, this is some family feud. You said that question, that was a loaded question."
Tau
That was a family feud ass question.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Enigmatos, do you have a mop? I don't want to make you clean this up. But Arete kind of left a little."
Tau
"I do not answer riddles! I ask them!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Ope! Okay."
Nicholas (Alexander)
That's a riddle?
Michael (Arete)
And Arete, with that, out of absolute terror to that response to you. I get down on my hands and knees and I like rip off a piece of cloth from my clothing. And I start to mop up my own urine.
Tau
Also. So Rolf, you've been here before. So you know how this thing works.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yeah. "Alexander. Clearly, we have not learned our lesson about shouting impulse things."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Well, we had to give it a shot. We had to be sure. Alright, it was..."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"You know what, to be fair, that was that did seem like the most likely answe. I don't blame you too much for that. But let's be a little careful. The next one will not be so kind. Oh my god, Anastasia, you're shivering. Um. Let's see. So I'm thinking something along the ocean. I don't understand the hands of a lover thing. Like what does the ocean do in the hands of a lover? Like salty water?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Why would you wait. Why would you say ocean?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Well it swells"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"It also rises. The tide, yes."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"To prove what? Rises to prove what?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"It just rises. This, the level of the ocean rises. Like perhaps the hands of the lover could be the moon pulling the tide up and making it higher. But I don't know why a lover would never disapprove."
Michael (Arete)
"Could I hear it again, please."
Tau
"It rises to prove, it swells when it moves, in the hands of a capable lover, no man disapprove."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Okay, you're right. Rises to prove I see."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Why would the ocean have anything to prove?"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Hmm. It rises to prove..."
Michael & Giancarlo
"Dough proves."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"That's exactly what I was thinking."
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Dough. Swell when it moves."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"But in in the hands of a lover, it never disapproves."
Michael (Arete)
"Because I mean, bread is just incredible."
Amanda (Annie)
"Yeah."
Tau
Is dough your answer?
Players
No.
Amanda (Annie)
I'd rather go with ocean than dough personally but ...
Nicholas (Alexander)
Any insight from Aristotle from my past to help me?
Tau
That would be history.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Okay. I got a 10.
Tau
Okay, Aristotle's advice as you remember it is don't throw out solutions that could satisfy the problem.
Nicholas (Alexander)
See, but then I said penis and things went south.
Tau
Dick is not the answer to everything, Alexander.
Nicholas (Alexander)
No, but we had to be, it fulfilled the quota so I figured it was...
Tau
Other people can also roll skill checks on things.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I'll also roll a history but now I'm thinking it's either dough or ocean and God just seemed very insistent on dough so I'm a little...
Tau
I didn't seem insistent on dough. I said, is that your answer? Because you guys were talking about a lot.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I know. I know. You just You seemed excited.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Remember my roll was bad. So that could be to throw us off.
Tau
Maybe I was surprised slash impressed, that I was like, oh, yeah, maybe dough does do that.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I got a 14.
Tau
Alright, on what.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
To remember my reading.
Tau
To remember your reading? You have to give me more to work. I can't even think of a thing to give you with that. You open you opened up 76 Boaters for Bad Boys and wondered if you found this joke in there. What the fuck?
Giancarlo (Rolf)
I've spent most of my life in deepened study and reading and so perhaps I've come across a riddle here and there. I like Enigmatos quite a bit. I think we share some sensibilities.
Tau
Okay. What you know about riddles is that sometimes they row in red herrings right? So if you listen back to like, if you remember the calendar riddle that you guys had, the very first one.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Persia.
Tau
Yeah, in Persia and never more and never less but in fact the calendar does have sometimes more and sometimes less. So some things are there for flavor.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Mhmm. Like bread!
Tau
I'm so hungry ya'll. My roommate just made fresh sourdough and I really want some right now.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh, that sounds fantastic.
Tau
Yeah, it was so, an dI have this perfect, like olive oil to go with it. I can't wait. Okay.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh, man.
Amanda (Annie)
I'm so hungry.
Tau
So some things might seem like red herrings, or those red herrings might actually point to like a certain like, cultural sensibility or cultural attitude or assumption that people have.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Okay, let's go over it one more time. It rises to prove.
Michael & Giancarlo
It swells when it moves.
Michael (Arete)
and in the hands of a lover...
Giancarlo (Rolf)
it never disapproves?
Tau
No man disapproves.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
No man disapprove. Men do love bread.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughs)
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Get that bread, my father always told me.
Michael (Arete)
When it cooks in the oven, it swells. Because it's moving.
Nicholas (Alexander)
Men do love their bread. They only want one thing and it's disgusting.
Michael (Arete)
Arete finishes up mopping up this pee, stands up and faces Enigmatos and says "Dough slash bread."
Tau
Is everyone okay with that?
Nicholas (Alexander)
Yeah, Alexander's rolling on the floor laughing, he's just like "Go on! Go on!"
Tau
He goes, "Dough slash bread? Is that your final answer?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
(laughing) "No man can resist!"
Michael (Arete)
"Yes it is, Enigmatos."
Amanda (Annie)
(laughing) No man can resist.
Tau
He howls this deafening roar.
[SFX: ROAR.]
Tau
And this magnificent feast appears in front of you.
Amanda (Annie)
WHAT!
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Oh my god!
Tau
"That is correct!"
Michael (Arete)
"Thank you, Enigmatos. I had a feeling in my gut that I was right. I'm glad that there is bread at this feast," and Arete will walk over and start to chow down on a loaf of french bread.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(In between laughter) Alexander is compelled to scarf all the bread on the table that no man can resist.
Tau
My favorite part was just gaslighting you all and really not being sure if it's dough.
Nicholas (Alexander)
What?! No man can resist?
Tau
Yeah, it's like if your wife is making bread, you'll be like, I love my wife's bread.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
(laughs and putters then sighs)
Michael (Arete)
"Hey Annie, hey Annie. Go over and pick that flowery bow up over there."
Amanda (Annie)
"What, really?"
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Oh really? Who else is going to use it?"
Amanda (Annie)
"Well I just feel like I really wasn't of any help. I was just laughing the whole time."
Michael (Arete)
"You're always help and you're helpful in so many other situations. You've worked so hard. You deserve this."
Tau
And they are here because you were here.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Yes, very much so.
Amanda (Annie)
(emotional) "I don't wanna, don't make me cry again. Okay, if you insist." Annie's gonna walk over to the bow and she's gonna she's gonna grab it.
Tau
Okay, you touch the bow and it is added to your inventory and also it retains its shape and design.
[SFX: Uplifting guitar music fades in.]
Amanda (Annie)
"Woo! I like it." And Annie's gonna pull out her viol and try...
Tau
Are you trying to attune to it?
Amanda (Annie)
Yeah!
Tau
Okay. Yeah, make an... arcana check.
Amanda (Annie)
That's a seven.
Tau
Okay.
Amanda (Annie)
Can I roll again with my inspiration?
Tau
Yes.
[SFX: A cheerful DING!]
Amanda (Annie)
That's a 15.
Tau
So first of all, you attune to this weapon here which is unusual because everybody else attuned to it in the courtyard, so you can immediately use this bow. It is called Resonata, Conduit of the Muse. And you are using it in a forum called Aspect of Anastasia. While you are wielding Resonata, you always have at minimum a 10 on any performance checks.
Amanda (Annie)
Oh wow. And I get a plus 10 on my modifier.
Tau
Yeah, so you will always have at least minimum 20 on your performance checks. Furthermore, whenever you roll dice to make music like when you're like casting spells and whatnot, you always roll an additional die. Like whether it's damage or healing etc.
Amanda (Annie)
I love you bow!
Tau
And now you've just always got butterflies on you and like from time to time your clothes and shit get stuck on like random vines but that's Resonata.
Amanda (Annie)
That's okay! Thank you so much.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
While we feast Rolf is going to expend some sorcery points to regain a fifth level spells slot, er, fifth level, to regain a third level spell slot because I used them all to heal.
Tau
Excellent. Some other things happen while you're here is feasting. So you are cured of all diseases and poison. You become immune to poison and being frightened. You make all wisdom saving throws with advantage until the end of your escape attempt. Also all of your hit point maximum increases by 17. And also your current goes up by that amount.
Nicholas (Alexander)
"Enigmatos, last time I was here, I asked you what a hero means, what it means to be a hero..." but I think he's going to disappear.
Tau
He does disappear.
[SFX: FWOOF.]
Tau
In your mind you hear like Professor Oak just saying, "I do not answer riddles! There's always a time and place for everything but not now!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
While he's on all fours scarfing bread off the table.
Tau
Yeah.
Nicholas (Alexander)
(scarfing noises) "It's m cheat day."
Giancarlo (Rolf)
Alright. You also see a globe on a gate showing a bag of coins.
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"Alright. Enigmatos wonderful to see you again."
Tau
He fades back into existence to say "Great!"
Nicholas (Alexander)
What. Ah--
Tau
And then leaves.
Amanda (Annie)
"Thank you! Thank you!"
Giancarlo (Rolf)
"I cultivated my bond with him, Alexander," and I press the globe and jump into the portal.
[SFX: The click of glass, the portal scrapes.]
Michael (Arete)
Arete follows.
[SFX: WOOSH.]
Nicholas (Alexander)
I-- let's go.
[SFX: Portal WOOSH.]
[SFX: Outro music.]
ROGUE RUNNERS Volume 1: In the Blood, stars our players Nicholas Benetatos as Alexander the Great, Amanda Facosta as Anastasia Pantazis, Giancarlo Herrera as Rolf Yannik, and Michael Pisani as Arete Laskaris. Dungeon Mastering and NPC voices are by me, Tau Zaman. Cover art by Chandler Candela. Audio editing by Daniel Manning. Sound design and editing by Giancarlo Herrera. Title music by Sage G.C., with vocals by Jessica Dahlgren and Sage G.C. Character theme music by Giorgio Volpe. Additional music by Epidemic Sound. Transcription by Eli Barraza.
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